jesus

Please dad, I need the car. I said no.

Breaking News - jesus saves deathstar just in time

TEXAS TEXTBOOKS will now have pikchurs and everthang

So he's all "Check this thing out, it's a duck-billed aquatic mammal that lays eggs. Imma call it a platypus." and I'm like "Dad, are you drunk" But he made the thing anyway.

It's a miracle! That a Middle-Eastern Jewish man looks so Caucasian.

ASCENDING TO HEAVEN YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG

So I was like, "bro, do you want someone to do that to you? Well, then don't do it to them"

If King James English is good enough for me, then it ought to be good enough for thee.

No thanks, I've already been hugged today.