Spitballs? Please! If you really want to annoy your coworkers, fire circus people over the cubicle wall!
I'm happy I haz you.
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Red, it is so thoughtful of you to sit here all day on my desk to make sure I have tape around. I hope you've got enough snacks in that basket because I've got nothing to share.
It may seem a little cruel to shut this poor little guy's tail in a book, but he doesn't mind. It's what he's there for.