god

Please dad, I need the car. I said no.

So he's all "Check this thing out, it's a duck-billed aquatic mammal that lays eggs. Imma call it a platypus." and I'm like "Dad, are you drunk" But he made the thing anyway.

The Spanish Inquisition, Westboro Baptist Church, Fox News, and the SECOND Bush presidency?!

Sorry Dad, I'm taking this away from you until you learn to play nice.

I misunderstood when she said she "swings both ways."