Though I don't quite understand what one needs with so many pencils, I'm glad there's a job out there for Mr. Whaley since he retired from teaching schools of fish.
Do you chew on your pens and mangle them? It won't look quite as odd if it looks like you're chewing on actual candy.
I've been searching for a way to make stapling more badass.
Imagine the awesome patterns if you dropped him off the table onto a big sheet of paper?
Puppies love to have their tails cranked while being fed wood shavings! Om nom nom!