You need a giant sharpener for the giant pencils you use to collect your super stupendous bigtime ideas.
This pen claims to have enough ink to last 7 whole years! That would be awesome, considering how we type everything these days, I'd never have to buy another pen!
Red, it is so thoughtful of you to sit here all day on my desk to make sure I have tape around. I hope you've got enough snacks in that basket because I've got nothing to share.
Do your documents love you or love you not?
I've been searching for a way to make stapling more badass.
Spitballs? Please! If you really want to annoy your coworkers, fire circus people over the cubicle wall!