Cutting Room Floor

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Let's pretend that I edited this video for a second.

Here's What I Would Cut: The Eurotrash club track in the background. ("Just Like a Dirty Dancer") Female Ass-shake at 01:15 Male Ass-shake at 01:19 Strobe effects at 01:29 Awkward upskirt/cleavage shot at 01:34 CLEAVAGE KISS at 01:39 Garter flash at 2:07 Cardboard dancing/awkward pointing/fist shaking from 02:13 to 2:33 Duck face at 03:04 More skirt-hiking at 03:16 And, pretty much everything else

Here's What I Would Leave in: Soccer

Ceremonial Hack and Slash

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Forty years from now when the two of you are old and gray and looking back on your wedding... you'll wonder why you didn't select a softer zombie noggin.

Proud Marry

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Tina Turner herself would stand up and applaud.

Living Doll

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A bride gets her face painted for a traditional Trebesh wedding in Kosovo.

That Last Step is a Doozy

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FACT: She will not remember this happened 30 seconds from now.

Former Rockette

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Grandma will not apologize for kickin' 'em heels high.