The Real World St. Thomas: "Chicken Abuse and Broken Dreams”

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The Real World St. Thomas finale (aired 9/12) involves chicken abuse (Swift), a guy almost sh*ting his pants during a parade (Trey), drunken gorilla dancing (Marie at a bar), pole dancing (Laura at a bar), and yellow vomit spewing over the side of a boat (all the cast members).

Details about the chickens: to get back at the girls (Marie and LaToya) for a prank, Swift decides to forcibly kidnap two St. Thomas chickens and hide them in his roommates' beds. "I hope LaToya doesn't jump on them!" he says excitedly. So then of course LaToya comes in and jumps on them. Upon being discovered, the chickens emerge with bald patches and expressions of terror (if chickens can have expressions). They are technically alive, but holding on by a thread.

After the closing credits, MTV offers a message of reassurance for the audience: "No chickens were harmed in the implementation of Swift's pranks. They continue to run free in St. Thomas." I'd like to tweak the message, slightly: "Wild chickens were chased down by a Real World cast member, squeezed, probed, man-handled, wrestled into a taped up box, transported on a boat, hidden under thick blankets as a hilarious "joke", trampled on by multiple drunkards (Ha ha! It's a PRANK! FUNNY!), and finally "released' back into the wild. No chickens were killed during filming of this episode, though they probably died from stress shortly after being 'freed'."

Read more about dead chickens and drunk douchebags at Real Housewives Real Professor!

Zombies and the GREATEST LIVING ACTOR

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America's Next Top Model, Season 19, episode 4 (aired 9/14), begins with the "acting challenge". Tyra determines that the best actor currently working in the biz is TYLER PERRY, so she brings him in to help with judging.

Tyra: "In order to make you the top, I needed to bring the top. He is the king of doing characters!
Medea?" And then, "Acting is all about being over the top."

Reminder to viewers: This "melodrama over substance" approach to acting has gotten Tyra VERY far in the movie biz. Hasn't it? Oh. Wait. It hasn't . She was in Life Size. She played a living doll. With Lindsay Lohan. No wonder Lindsay's acting career is cursed!

While Episode 3 was about "preserving" the reputation of Harvard, this episode is about denigrating the art of acting.

Lesson (not) learned: TYLER PERRY is apparently in league with Meryl Streep and Daniel Day Lewis as far as his ability to create characters.

Read about bad acting, oozing zombie sores, and more, at Real Housewives Real Professor!

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