TUESDAY, JULY 27TH The day the stock market got an STD and a DUI. (Jersey Shore)
On the first installment of the two-part Real Housewives of New Jersey finale (aired 9/16): Caroline
Manzo and the husband visit sons Chris and Albie in their apartment, and as usual Caroline is a She-Bear Mega-Btch. Albie's girlfriend Lindsay, who seems perfectly nice, is cooking breakfast for
everybody. "It smells all the way down the hallway!" Caroline announces as she enters the apartment.
For a moment, it seems as though she is offering a compliment to Lindsay, which does seem strange
considering how cruel and withholding she normally is. Then she finishes her statement: "Can you
open a window?" In other words: "Lindsay, your food smells bad, and you will NEVER marry my son! If he can't legally marry me, he will marry NO ONE!"
As everybody digests her remark, an awkward silence ensues. Caroline then proceeds to tell Albie how great his apartment is, his career... but never mentions his girlfriend Lindsay. The camera passes over said girlfriend's face and she's flushed with shame.
(Side note: Caroline,, you remind me of Garfield. You really, really remind me of Garfield. The red hair? The lasagna? The angry expression? The hatred for all things cuter than you? And also the fact that you told a clothing store owner, "I don't do sparkles!"? Am I the first to make this comparison?)
The scene in Chris and Albie's apartment only gets worse. Caroline and hubby Big Al talk about retirement, and Al passive-aggressively jokes that once they start spending unlimited amounts of time together, he could realize "this chick (Caroline) is a btch!" The room erupts with laughter, but Caroline scowls and a cloud of darkness settles around her. She looks at Al like she wants to cut his head off with a laser. AWKWARD! Get this woman some lasagna, stat!
For more about Caroline Manzo and a certain housewife's stripper past check out Real Housewives Real Professor!