I hate wrapping gifts so much, pointing a gun at the boxes sounds incredibly satisfying.
Red, it is so thoughtful of you to sit here all day on my desk to make sure I have tape around. I hope you've got enough snacks in that basket because I've got nothing to share.
Let's just see the postal workers try to bend this!
When you're feeling lo-fi, go all the way.
I've never seen an assistant quite so talented. He can hold my pencil, tape and other accessories all while taking care of some business of his own if you know what I mean.