Well aren't you the most dapper aquatic mammal I've ever seen?
It shuts them up AND makes them cuter!
Show the mustache love by giving everyone (or everything!) a mustache
Gents, do you miss kissing your ladyfriend who refuses to let your boar-bristle toothbrush of a mustache near her delicate skin? Solutions all up in this place!
As a refined individual you prefer the truly luxurious things in life: crustless sandwiches and well-groomed facial hair. No one can blame you for having your priorities in order.
Handlebars deserve handlebars.