Does your doorbell play the Imperial March? Do your guests have to take off their shoes and don R2D2 slippers in your home? How do you not have this lamp already?
You'd probably cause +4 damage with this thing.
I don't know if I could handle the constant suggestion to drink hot chocolate, but I would love to impress my coworkers with this.
Attach an RC motor to that baby and it can guide you through a dark house.
Available at: Perpetual Kid http://www.perpetualkid.com/giant-ice-cream-cone-lamp.aspx ($40) Via: Incredible Things http://www.incrediblethings.com/home/giant-ice-cream-cone-lamp/
They don't make a racket or a stink and they're even helpful in the dark! Requires only electricity feedings.