Available at: Dudush http://www.etsy.com/listing/60897153/sweet-craze-laptop-macbook-pro-sleeve-13 ($35)

Don't suffer no fools, you know you've been around the block.

My kit includes 14 shades of lipgloss, half a pack of gum, some bar receipts, $4.36 in loose change, broken sunglasses and a scarf. That should keep me safe!