I'm happy I haz you.
Available at: MimosaCards http://www.etsy.com/listing/57201344/cheeseburger-cat-im-happy-i-haz-you-set ($12 for a set of 10)
Spitballs? Please! If you really want to annoy your coworkers, fire circus people over the cubicle wall!
Do you chew on your pens and mangle them? It won't look quite as odd if it looks like you're chewing on actual candy.
If you can't get out on your lunch break to commune with the succulents in the conservatory, get one that comes to you!
Available at: Strapya World http://www.strapya-world.com/products/40380.html ($70)
Via: NotCot http://www.notcot.com/