Available at: Thinkgeek ($20) http://www.thinkgeek.com/interests/giftsforher/a620/
Penguins are very organized. They'll have your files in tip top shape in no time.
Though I don't quite understand what one needs with so many pencils, I'm glad there's a job out there for Mr. Whaley since he retired from teaching schools of fish.
I've never seen an assistant quite so talented. He can hold my pencil, tape and other accessories all while taking care of some business of his own if you know what I mean.
You always wanted to be a space ranger, this is one step closer!
Available at: http://hankodesigns.com/Accessories/OfficeAccessories/DClips.htm
Do you chew on your pens and mangle them? It won't look quite as odd if it looks like you're chewing on actual candy.