No one could possibly live on that frozen planet, but apparently a giant orange tentacled thing can live in the vacuum of space next to it?

All hopes for diplomacy were lost when the ensign tried greet the creature in lolspeak.

"I think the new kid's cheating."

"You... you see her too, right?"

My one weakness! Being buried in sand!

Is he saving her from the bat-things, or handing her over?

The story itself is pretty WTF, but I don't remember it being quite this WTF.