Dad, Help!

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Dad, Help!
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Dad help this couch fell on me stop presidenting I'm dying oh god I can see a light

(Barack Obama)

Won't Someone Think of the Tiny, Orange Children?!

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Won't Someone Think of the Tiny, Orange Children?!
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For dollars a day, you can help this politician buy his own tanning booth . Please, think of the orange people.

(John Boehner)

I Want to Know How the Proctologist Figures In

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I Want to Know How the Proctologist Figures In
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Unfortanetely for Bob the only way out of an extra large Chinese finger puzzle involved a train track, a tree stump and a proctologist.