See kids? They DID exist! Once.

CLAUS TO THE LEFT OF ME, jokers to the right

When the elves went on strike Santa called in the scabs

...and suzie never did acid again. The End

Just to make sure you're all stable and of sound mind you will need to sign the Sanity Clause

Question 6: "A ho is..." A garden implement. A trollop or prostitute. An expression of humor.