How I Feel Everytime I Try to Cook

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How I Feel Everytime I Try to Cook
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I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."

Keep Your Minions Away From My Children!

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Keep Your Minions Away From My Children!
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Hon! That crazy angel is trying to rapture the kids again! I'll call the cops and tell them she's violating the restraining order!