They Promise Death

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Breaking News - Early results of new weightloss drug are promising!

Home For the Holidays

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It feels so good to go home and get blotto with the family again.

Hush Now

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How to Fall Asleep. Stuck awake? You may have too much energy. You can lower it by drinking a warm glass of milk, laced with horse tranquilizers.

Tastes Like Cat Hair

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Of course I didn't "put something funny" in your drink....

Download the new Cheezburger app for a chance to win a PS4! in Cheezburger 's Hangs on LockerDome